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November 29th, 2009 ï 12:36am
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In a week where about everything that could go wrong, went wrong, a couple of bright sparks:
-Might have found the perfect Christmas Ball dress at Debenhams, although with a rather hefty price tag.
-FINISHED MY COVER LETTER AND RESUME! Got good feedback for my resume too, yey. Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs apps in, with many more to complete by TONIGHT.
-Most probably going to be working at the World Bank next summer! Although, that probably means no more traipsing around Europe, working in a patisserie making french bonbons and meeting charming tres tres chic european boys. My head says yey, my heart says meh.
I don't want to talk about the bad things, which range from annoying to seriously catastrophic, such as, my housing situation for next year (very pissed off) or my academic inability (which in all seriousness, terrifies me). I'm really stressed out, I've been hiding at home crying and I can feel wrinkles popping out of my forehead.. Thankfully, the flatmate has been over at her bf's every day this week so I get the house to myself, but the loneliness really gets to you.
Today went out with Robbie, Dee and Ali to see christmas light up - lights aren't anything to shout about, especially if you're from a city, but the atmosphere was wonderful: it's gotten cold in a comfortable wintry christmas way, there were balloons and christmas carols, and after which we hid in a cafe with christmas trees and mistletoe and had coffee and conversation. Then pizza dinner at Ali's place, I've not had a proper dinner with people in so long it made me realise what I've missed. Ali lives in a place of 5, so it's always busy and crowded with people visiting and it feels like hall, and walking back to my small miserable place I felt very small and miserable and lonely.
Damn I miss hall. And proper conversation that does not include maoism. Fucking math test I don't understand anything.
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November 17th, 2009 ï 9:23pm
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Wahlau wtf why would anyone need to leave all their electrical appliances and laptop running 24/7?! To be fair I think she likes it when I'm not at home and she has the whole space for herself + boyfriend (why are some couples so sticky? will it KILL you to not be together for even two hours), and to be fair I enjoy not being at home because all I do is eat and also because it is messy as hell and so uncomfortable. BUT to be fair I FOUND THIS HOUSE when we were both desperate to get out of Albany Park and I pay rent too. I hate the way they give me evil glares and polite sighs when I refuse to budge from the living room, because it's a lot warmer than my room. I hate it when she goes OMG when she walks into my room WITHOUT KNOCKING, at how messy it is, when I have not said a word about the mess she makes all over the house.
OMG OMG OMG I am so excited about the house with Will&Co I forget I still have six more months of hell to go through dear someone up there please find me a hot bf with a nice house I can go live in and get out of here
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November 17th, 2009 ï 8:33pm
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Awesome. Now I have her boasting about her wonderful grades to me despite having not studied, never going for classes blah blah blah
I resolve to stop bumming, to eat nothing but cherry tomatoes and oranges for one week, to exercise, to get to know more people, to party more, and to STUDY damn fucking hard and live in the library. I need to get out of my house.
On the bright side, I might have just found new flatmates for next year! Will's friend has a house on South Street (right smack in town), 4 bedrooms spread out over three floors, 2 bathrooms, pretty spacious. We're not too sure about rent yet, but it'll be Will, Ross (whom I've only met once), and Jonathan - we're all pretty extroverted but need our own space, and we're not neat freaks but we're considerate. Also we're all pretty busy people with societies and shit. I'm still a bit apprehensive about living with Jonathan though. Anyway it's either this, or I'm gonna ask Charlotte, whom I've gotten pretty close to and is looking to move out to somewhere closer to town, or I'm gonna check with Robbie, Dee and Ali (the remaining members of the group I actually like and respect). It would be nice living with Robbie too, who is the sweetest guy pal anyone could for and the one guy I know who respects women, but they're looking for budget housing.
Okay, Need. To. Study. Fucking essays, but it's raisin this weekend and thanksgiving, paaaaartyyyyyyyyyyy
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November 15th, 2009 ï 10:57pm
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I am fed up with my current living situation. My flatmate is either never here, or her bf is here 24/7 and I am either alone or being a thirdwheel and made to feel uncomfortable in my own house. They get her room and the whole living room, the latter of which, I returned to from Paris to discover a complete mess. One sofa is filled with all her books, her coats and scarfs are dumped on the armchair and she occupies the entire of the other sofa. The dining room has been plonked in the middle of our tiny living room, making it hard to walk around. She dumps more books/school bags/laptop on that, and as a result I have to eat with my plate on the floor or carrying it around. The house is such a mess it's really difficult to live in it, and I am very tired of having to clean up after her. I have to keep the dishes when they are dry, clean all the grease off the stove (even though she's the only one cooking), pick up the pieces of food that have dropped into the grill (again NOT MINE) because they were starting to burn whenever you switched on the grill. We don't have a tv licence but I have to deal with it, making sure we hide the tv box (I don't even watch the tv) because we're due for an inspection any time now whilst all she cares about is digging it out at night to watch tv and not bothering to keep it. Then there's council tax, trash etc. which I have to make sure gets done. Fucking spoilt PRC wannabes. This is like living with an immature spoilt brat. I am so uncomfortable even in my own house, and I hate my flatmate most of all. Why didn't I make right choices in Year 1 and got to know cool, avant-garde people instead of stupid anime-loving geeks and fucked up one-child-policy kids.
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November 15th, 2009 ï 7:42pm
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Paris was a much needed break and getaway from Scotland. No touristy sightseeing, just wandering through the chic and bohemian areas of Paris, trusting the bff Kelly to navigate me through the Parisienne Rues and Fashion - never again will I be led astray by disgusting St Andrean fashion: leggings, short shirts and ugly country style wax coats? NEVER.
I'm feeling a lot more comfortable with my size now having walked a bit of it off, but just so I remember: Hardcore dieting (eating proper nice food, not awful St Andrews food) and gym membership.
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November 4th, 2009 ï 6:48pm
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I HAVE AN ECONOMICS TEST TOMORROW AND MY FLATMATE INVITED HER BOYFRIEND OVER TO WATCH FUCKING FOOTBALL WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I HAVE TO HIDE IN MY ROOM WHILE THEY BLARE THE FUCKING TV FUCK FUCK FUCK talk about fucking inconsiderate uncultured prc behaviour
If I have to hear one more sentence about how pretty she is and rating herself an 8 and their sex life I will stab something
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October 22nd, 2009 ï 11:43pm
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I'm going through a really rough patch. I'm having weight problems, suffering academically, social life issues, not getting along with my flatmate et cetera et cetera everything all at once and I don't have anyone here to talk to and it's tough, I'm feeling really uncomfortable and alone and stuck and unhappy.
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October 22nd, 2009 ï 1:51am
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My school is EXACTLY like Gossip Girl...........
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October 20th, 2009 ï 1:18pm
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Fat - that's the first adjective people use to describe me when they meet me. Not fun, bitchy, or whatever normal adjective you can think of. Fat.
Last Saturday my flatmate pulled typical annoying highschool thing that girls must do when they get a boyfriend and you don't, hooking me up with her boyfriend's weird flatmates. It's not so fun when you get told by a group of below-averagers you look okay.
Somehow my weight problems followed me here, and then I get myself stuck in this social fudge. I hate being compared to all these pretty girls and told "look at yourself, you're below average" in unsubtle ways and I hate that because of circumstances last year where all my JSA friends left I got desperate and gatecrashed a clique of weirdo people whom I now realise I have nothing in common with and I don't like. I hate being fat.
I hate birthdays. I am miserable and unhappy and I don't want to have to plan for some party that's going to suck and honestly I just want to end this day feeling normal and not unhappy.
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May 29th, 2009 ï 10:47am
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Home is where the heart is, and my heart is not here. My eyes are swollen from crying.
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May 17th, 2009 ï 11:10pm
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It's not the exams that are stressing me out, but the fact that I have to go home in 10 days. I miss people here already. I really don't want to go back.
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May 1st, 2009 ï 9:19pm
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Breathe 2 a.m. - Anne Nalick |
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MAY DIP! Another crazy tradition we have here at my university (raisin weekend, academic families that get ridiculously complicated and fun, foam fight, pier walk, gowns, PH stone etc. etc.) - 1st of May, we all jump into the North Sea at sunrise (anywhere from 4.30-5.30 am) after a night of alcohol and general revelry. We've got three beaches here, but tradition holds that you may only do this at Castle Sands (named for said castle), which is pretty damned rocky and painful to walk on without shoes, a couple of people got cuts. Random drunk tried to climb a cliff and fell off, puncturing his lung and breaking a leg - but otherwise o-kay. Rumour has it that if you've stepped on the PH stones outside the quad (main medieval school grounds) you've got to do the dip, or carry the curse of non-graduation. Edward graduated last year without a dip, so did one this year just to play it safe. Awesome atmosphere - flame throwers, bonfire, people with guitars, huge octopus floats and random naked people. This is spring, but it's also Scotland and pretty damn fucking cold.
Tradition also holds that if you commit academic incest you get thrown off the pier, so we threw Alex and Clare off.
Literally 27 days till I am forced home, a couple of us heading up to Isle of Skye but I will be in an office coughing up spreadsheets. I will miss hall and banter - next year's living thingum scares me. Also, discovered a new vintage clothes/ lifestyle shop on Bell Street with the most amazing dresses and mugs! Summer Ball next Friday, and May Ball on Sunday.
Treasure hunt tonight from 3-7 am, Economics conference, Maryan's birthday party; legitimate family dinner on Sunday, gazillion things I need to do for societies and last minute exams and essays for next week (last week of school). I will be so fucked for exams this semester, got awesome grades for the last one but all I've done this semester is banter, play and fight with society people.
On another note, LJ is getting so damn fucking pretentious.
MAY DIP PHOTOS!
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April 22nd, 2009 ï 2:56am
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Nadia summed me up pretty nicely - knowledgeable about asian culture, but pretty damn westernised, I feel more at home/comfortable here than in Singapore.
My school is a Country Club, is preppy corrupting? First year's almost over and university has been an awesome experience/ eye-opener so far, I'm loving it.
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April 18th, 2009 ï 10:30pm
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Good times and very stressed out - 3 tests next week, popping down to London for a day and managing HR for arts festival, not doing any work and spending too much time having good banter. Played Mafia (cooler version of wink murder) two nights in a row in huge groups - the second time with Divine Alex's parents, being the most awesome mafia killer (surviving till the end with no one coming close to guessing?), random conversations on the corridor floor. I will miss the corridor, and the boarding school atmosphere. Infamous Kate Kennedy Club procession today way more awesome than I expected, complete costume parade with tweeds and wigs, feathered plumes, swords, horses and carriages. Bumped into the loveliest scottish wedding at Holy Trinity Church with open top vintage cars, there're so many medieval churches here one takes them for granted. I'm grateful for the academic family, completely wacky as they are - I'm afraid of losing myself into the whole St Andrews thing and I'm more afraid of being unsure, that I actually enjoy morphing into complete rich prep prat. More importantly I have a fuckload of deadlines and tests and I am worried about Economics. Italian's gone for, but Spanish surprisingly awesome.
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April 14th, 2009 ï 6:47pm
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More good memories of first year I want to hold on to - lounging around in the corridor post-dinner, skipping Will's birthday drinks because I 'wanted to study', 5 hour long corridor conversations with Ben, Robbie, Dee and the usual posse of people who walk pass and drop it for a bit. I will miss the Melville corridor, where we can sit and have epic random chats and still say hi to every stranger walking pass. I will miss hall dinners (but not the food), especially dinner, where you get to see everyone at least once a day.
It sounds terrible because there's a dearth of affordable accommodation in St Andrews and everyone wants a place in Albany Park (a shit hole, but very cheap) - Wendy and I applied there because we wanted to be with friends and now we regret it completely. I would love to swop my place with someone, honestly. I hate cheap ugly accommodation. Third year, we've decided to get a big house on a main street, no more long walks in the cold or ugly rooms.
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April 12th, 2009 ï 5:38pm
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Coming back up to Scotland has been awesome, I'm lucky all my friends are always back already when I'm here, before things get crowded. We've been having lovely weather, sunshine from 6-8, real summer, breezes, today I wore my yellow sundress and we all went to St. Mary's quad sat on the lawn sandwiches and brownies random robin hopping around, daisy chains. This is how I pictured university should be - good friends, conversations on the campus green. All that's missing is some ice cream.
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March 20th, 2009 ï 2:19am
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Black Gloves - Goose |
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I hate to admit this, but my school is very much The OC - we've got the beach, silly rich kids drama, fashion shows (fundraising, if you buy that), hot people, just hell a lot colder. This is pretend California, which I am starting to appreciate - but I prefer New York.
The weather's gotten very warm, it's around 4-5 at night and 7-13 in the afternoons. Guys walk around in just shirts and berms (but they always look good, and sg boys look sloppy, why?), girls in shorts without leggings, there's a lot of sunshine - all horridly misleading because it can still get pretty chilly with the wind, but otherwise it's o-kay. The dress sense here is pretty much dripping with daddy's money and designer sunglasses, last semester I played my part of poor foreign student who wore the same things everyday cause I left half my wardrobe behind. This semester I discovered online shopping and awesome boutiques hidden away on South Street, now I am broke and don't know how to pack come summer. I am going down to London in a week, god save me (my wallet, and my Dad) from myself.
You know you live in Britain when you plan your day and what you wear on the weather, conversations about the weather are discussed with genuine enthusiasm, and sunshine makes you happy. Normally the sun's too pale to give anyone a proper tan, but today I felt a slight burn and it worries me.
Anyway before-we-break-up-for-spring-break dinner tomorrow (no hall food!) at Maisha (supposedly a favourite of one Sean Connery), New Hall Ball on Saturday, beach weekends and Shhh Party on Monday, Young Heroes stuff, talk by one tibetan representative of the Dalai Lama (in which I will have to restrain myself from arguing with a very good friend from China), I will never get work done. My grades have suffered and I'm panicking.
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March 9th, 2009 ï 11:37pm
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Salty Dog - Cat Power |
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I HAVE A HOUSE FOR NEXT YEAR! With awesomely cool housemates - no more dodgy neighbours and wannabe Yahs. A lot of people who applied for university housing didn't get anything, and what with private leases all but snapped up (except the ones really far away) all those who didn't get an offer are pretty much fucked, I'm glad I didn't apply for one of the pretty central halls.
I will miss being in a hall though, but the best part of studying in a university town is the whole place feels like one big hall. This isn't university, it's more like boarding school.
Why is it that when you straighten out some bits of life a whole lot of other things come your way that you need to do, pronto. Having coasted by for the first month this week is going to be very intense, I hope I survive. I've not studied at all this semester, I've not been productive, it makes me guilty.
Today I realised that not avoiding things means it might turn out to be a whole lot less evil that you'd imagined. And why you can never be friends with colleagues.
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March 8th, 2009 ï 10:17pm
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Girls - Death In Vegas |
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I FUCKING HATE LITERATURE.
Okay not really, but not when I have an impossible text I don't understand or like an iota, and my professor gives us an impossible topic completely removed from anything we've been discussing in class. I understand the point about reading texts to improve one's grasp of the language, I just don't see why we can't do stuff on news articles instead. Or interesting literature, like the Italian film I did last semester.
At least, with Economics, one can derive at a conclusion logically and rationally.
I'm just whining because I have an essay due at 5pm tomorrow and I don't want to write it. This semester my academic life is spiraling out of control because I have very good friends and enjoy playing too much. And phenomenal conversations that last hours. Because macroeconomics is something I actually understand I've not been doing any readings, nor memorising language grammar.
Something's happened to hall life this semester, like Ben mentioned last night, it's gotten a lot more cliqueish. But there're the core group of friends there, so it's all good. Young Heroes is being a bitch, partly my fault but I want to give up on it only it's such a waste. Maybe I'll run for a position on Rogues (film making society) instead, since Naysun and the whole committee are 4th years and leaving this year.
Only made friends with 2 JSAs this semester, Trip (Frederick Conrad III) and Diana. Somehow last thursday the number of academic dads I have doubled, and now I have 4. I can't believe first year's 3/4s over, I'll need to do more traveling next year - Europe, North Africa, South America, England, the Highlands (Skye, Inverness). The further away from home the happier I am.
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March 4th, 2009 ï 1:11am
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Undertow - Stars |
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If you want to know what my life is like living overseas on a college dorm, most of the following are hilarious and only too true.
( You know you're in college when... )
Shamelessly ripped off the facebook group.
DRA Ball was awesome fun, this place is so small I'm starting to recognize faces everywhere. Being in a city would be nice, but I love my school. Except the work. God I hate work, I'm having too much fun hanging out with friends, and that's damn worrying, all I think about are weekends. I want to go on a roadtrip with amazing company and cat power songs.
Anyway, it'll be easter break in 4 weeks and I'll be going down to London alone - still trying to find friends of friends who can bring me around. I don't want the school year to end and I'm not ready to move out of dorm life, and I sure as hell am not ready to spend 3 months in Singapore. Also, I think I said the wrong thing in lunch yesterday.
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February 6th, 2009 ï 9:53pm
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I have to be up in 7 1/2 hours to catch a flight back to Scotland and I've not even attempted packing! Do high street stores carry the same merchandise in different countries? Cause I can never find stuff I like in the UK, but I've been slightly ballistic over here. I will miss the pretty french rues, wandering into random cafes for meringues and tea, and the shopping. My growing shallowness terrifies me - I elect to read financial news and books over translated french literature, and brainless fashion magazines (that somehow manage to repeat themselves every month). I want to go back to reading proper things.
I did just finish Revolutionary Road though, if I don't watch it I will turn into a Frank Wheeler.
Went back to the Musee des Beaux Arts today, and History of Art is not for me. The archaeological stuff and medieval weaponry were way more interesting than the never ending religious paintings. I don't want to have to care about how it reflects art of the period or types of brush strokes, you can stare at certain paintings for hours, some are just boring.
I am slightly terrified of going back to school, I'm hoping Candlemas will be as good as Martinmas.
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February 5th, 2009 ï 9:45pm
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music |
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Great DJ - The Ting Tings |
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I was starting to wonder if maybe my LJ was dead, but so.
I'm still in Lyon right now learning French - dumping yourself in a place where no one speaks English has been fun, not so fun and stimulating. My French has definitely improved - the school is pretty intense, we do a lot of comprehension stuff, discussing topics etc., and all that French language TV means I can actually listen between the liaisons now. All I do everyday is go for sandwich/gateaux lunches at a cafe, walk around the downtown pretending to be french; shop, a lot (H&M make amazing cheap shoes); occasional museum and 4 hour classes. There're a lot of Germans here, and rich Korean girls here to study la mode.
I live in a shite inner city area where they have policemen outside the supermarket and loads of skinheads (ironically, all immigrants). It's okay to wander around before 7 - I wouldn't walk around the area after. But it's also only 10 minutes away from the heart of downtown, across the Rhone river - the Presqu'ile, Bellecour, Place de la Republique (with all the shopping), Vieux Lyon etc. And only 15 minutes on foot to the school, located opposite the other end of the Presqu'ile. Every cliche about France is true - the women are chic and skinny, smoke a lot, the food is amazing, the buildings look like the ones in postcards...I mean to post photos, but the internet is being a bitch. Will post them on facebook when I'm back in Scotland.
I miss Scotland a little though, especially the bubble and all my friends. New JSAs have entered the bubble-within-the-bubble that is Melville, but I'm not going to bother getting to know them this time. The old JSAs made up a huge chunk of my first semester life, and whilst I've been fortunate enough to have other groups of really great friends - it's not worth the getting your heart broken after 4 months.
Speaking of school - exam results are back, and for the first time since age 14 I'm doing well in school again. I've had a great first semester - partied hard, met loads of amazing new people, made solid friendships, had an awesome and stressful/stimulating time with societies and doing well in class. The stuff's not any harder or easier, it's just I can be arsed to do work. I've not felt upset or down once since I've been in St Andrews, none of that emo/pathetic depressed rubbish, I almost feel like I shouldn't say this or I'll jinx it. I ♥ my school, and I'm not sure I can handle 3 months in stressful unhappy Singapore.
Anyway, since I can't go out at night I am bored as hell in the studio buying SATC episodes off ITunes. I want Maggi Mee (curry flavour) and soya bean milk.
You Are Most Like Carrie!
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You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.
But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?
It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.
Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a
great closet of clothes, no matter what!
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Next on the agenda: Candlemas semester, Art School in London over Spring Break, 3 month internship and then France again (no idea if I'm going to go stay with Odyssia since her German friend will be over, and she's got friends in Paris we can stay with) or another intensive language course.
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| EXAM STRESS |
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January 13th, 2009 ï 11:01pm
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I am spending so much time in the library being unproductive (1/3 of the time wandering around, daydreaming or visiting the Mars Bar vending machine) that I am starting to recognize faces. My neighbour's boyfriend has stopped visiting though, which means I can finally have uninterrupted sleep - although she still has the radio on at random ours on maximum volume.
So whilst booking flight tickets I realised I'm going to be traveling alone over sem. break and spring break which is kinda terrifying. I'm starting to wish I'd taken up Odyssia's or Emma's offer to stay with them over spring because touring london alone does not sound very fun.
I have 6 more chapters of Italian 11 chapters to re-revise dozens of practice papers to do and I am watching 30 Rock. And craving century egg porridge.
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